Mga saloobin ni Simon para kay Toni

Buti pa ibang tao kayang sabihin ang nararamdaman nila para sa mahal nila, ako, hindi ko kaya sabihin sa harap niya.

Kelangan ko pa magbiro at mangbola para pabiro kong sabihin mga bagay na nais kong sabihin sa kanya.

Siguro mali ko rin na pabiro sabihin yung mga bagay na ito. Natatakot ako, natatakot masaktan nanaman.

Siguro ayaw ko lang nung pakiramdam na nasasaktan.

Mahirap.

Mahirap kasi magkaibigan kami.

Parang hanggang doon na lang ang lahat para sa amin.

Gusto ko siyang ligawan at maging nobya pero natatakot ako na baka may magawa akong mali at maayawan niya ako.

Kelan kaya ako magiging handa?

Kelan ko kaya masasabi na lahat ng mga ginagawa ko ay ang aking paraan ng panliligaw?

Kung sasabihin ko ba itong mga bagay na ito sa kanya ay magiging maayos ba ang lahat pagkatapos nito?

Sabi niya, magaaral pa muna siya.

Talaga bang ito ang rason o ayaw mo lang ako masakan sa tunay mong sagot?

Mahal kita.

Mga salitang pawang lagi ko na sinasabi habang tayo ay naguusap sa telepono.

Mga salitang nais kong ibulong ng paulit ulit sa iyong tenga.

Toni Elyse Bette Bautista.

Pangalan ng babaeng nagpapaligaya ng buhay ko.

Toni Elyse Bette Bautista.

Darating ba ang panahon na mamahalin mo rin ako?

I’ve realized something very important…

…and that is I need to really get serious with my relationships.

Well, for starters, I do have lots of relationships, but those never include a romantic relationship with that special someone. It’s been like that for the past eighteen years and I’ve heard people tease me being gay because I never had a girlfriend. Oh well, to those guys, screw you!

I’ve realized that I just look from a far and stare, but that would not do anything, it would not produce results. I then tried many ways, but often times, it becomes an epic fail. Sucks…

What I think I should do is to man up and talk about it directly. Not arrogantly, but gently and peacefully. Talk to her about this and then wait for the fair lady’s reply. This is where it gets hard.

If ever she says something favorable and positive, I might as well give it a shot and hope for the best, if ever she says something unfavorable and negative – which is a 89% possibility, I should just calmly accept the facts and move on with my life. I lived for eighteen years without her, It’s no big deal really. As they say, there’s plenty fishes in the sea. If ever she say that she would think about it, I would consider myself lucky. She’ll be thinking of me for a while, and that would be a good thing. At lease I get to run in her mind.

Well, for now, I must settle the real problem…who’s it gonna be?

I have two candidates.

The first one is some one very close to me. We are actually friends when we we’re in high school, and luckily, until now. She is beautiful in her way, and most often, people tell me that she’s a little bit weird, but I can’t see those things. Those really don’t matter, I love her and I do care for her, even though I’ve told her through my jokes and all and yet she still resists. We’ll be hiding her personality in the name of Toni.

The second one is some one from church. We never really speak to each other, but the catch is that I’m friends with her family, and her family knows that I really like her, and I bet she knows it too. A little birdie told me that she’s being civil with me, and I did choose to believe that one, but I told myself that  I can change that by giving me a chance to introduce myself to her. She’s smart – always part of the Dean’s Lister, Highly fashionable – party clothes are her thing, but there’s something about her serene face that haunts me, maybe it is her unknown side, only her family and friends knows that. So, now, we’ll be hiding her personality in the name of Milcah.

This is really something, It’s hard to choose because both are beautiful in their own way. I loved everything about the both of them. Now it’s up to me to decide. It’s now or never.

Tsubasa wo Kudasai – Give me Wings Lyrics

Tsubasa wo Kudasai is a Japanese song which was used in the animated film called Rebuild of Evangelion 2.0: You Can (Not) Advance. The song  mostly speaks about freedom as the lyrics suggest. Wings do represent soaring or flying, therefore it represents freedom.

The credits for the english translation goes to LiLi of EvaGeeks.org

Kanji lyrics:

今 私の願いごとが
かなうならば翼がほしい
この背中に 鳥のように
白い翼 つけてください

この大空に翼を広げ
飛んで行きたいよ
悲しみのない自由な空へ
翼はためかせ　行きたい

子どものとき 夢みたこと
今も同じ 夢に見ている

この大空に翼をひろげ
飛んで行きたいよ
悲しみのない自由な空へ
翼はためかせ

この大空に 翼を広げ
飛んで行きたいよ
悲しみのない自由な空へ
翼はためかせ
行きたい

Romaji lyrics:

Ima watashi no negai goto ga
Kanau naraba tsubasa ga hoshii
Kono senaka ni tori no youni
Shiroi tsubasa tsukete kudasai

Kono oozora ni tsubasa wo hiroge
Tonde yukitai yo
Kanashimi no nai jyuna sora e
Tsubasa hatamekase yukitai

Ima tomitoka meiyo naraba
Iranai kedo tsubasa ga hoshii
Kodo monotoki yume mita koto
Ima mo onaji yume ni mite iru
Kono oozora ni tsubasa wo hiroge
Tonde yukitai yo
Kanashimi no nai jyuna sora e
Tsubasa hatamekase yukitai

English translated lyrics by LiLi:

If my wish were to come true right now
I’d wish for wings
Please put white wings
On my back like a bird’s

I want to spread my wings
And fly in this sky
I want to make my wings flutter
In a free sky without sorrow

That thing I dreamt of as a child
I still dream of it, unchanged, now

I want to spread my wings
And fly in this sky
I want to make my wings flutter
In a free sky without sorrow

I’m ready…

There are some things that is simply hard to let go. Your first pay, first car, memories of your first date, memories of both terrible and pleasurable things,   all of these things are hard to let go, specially your first real love. I have met many women in my life, they come and go, I became a good friend and companion to them. I tried to understand women through them, I’ve learned things and saw thing in a different light. It was inevitable for me to like some of them. I’ve always thought that she was the one for me, but as they say, the best was yet to come. Therefore, to make the long story short, the best did come, and I was overwhelmed by this person that I forgot lots of things, made me go crazy, really. She was a sight to see, but after several attempts it really seems that she’s a hard case to crack.

I really gave up on her when something happen just recently. It may be a small matter to you guys, but to me, it has bigger meanings to it.

I was surfing the net, Facebook to be exact, and I saw her account. I was really hesitant at first to add her up to my friends list. Then there came a time where I gathered up my courage and clicked the button. I’ve waited patiently for her response. Days went by and I was getting bored. I checked up her account and saw that my request has been turned down.

I pondered on this one, did she accidentally or really outright clicked the “Ignore” button. I’ve been thinking about it all night and I came up with the answer, she did outright clicked the button. It was hard at first, feels like hell, then after some thinking it was all made clear, she doesn’t want me in her life, so I decided to walk the opposite direction, letting go of everything concerning her, I admitted that it was a vain pursuit, time and money was already wasted, there’s nothing I can do about it anymore.

I’m ready to walk again, live again without her memories disturbing me. I’m ready to let her memories die out in time, and most specially, go to church without being bothered badly.

As I always say, Dust it off.

AN: I’m no hater! This is not a post saying that I hate that person for doing that. It’s more of like  I’ll-not-bother-you-again statement or “It’s ok, no worries, there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Happy…

I am very happy because I am starting to get some traffic. I am really enjoying this whole blogging thing and it is a joy that people look at my site. In line with this matter, I’d like to express my sincerest apologies because my blogsite still lack things, I’d be happy to hear from you guys. Cheers!

Poem: Sticky Notes

Sticky notes are useful,
It helps people,
But in the end,
After it served it’s purpose,
It gets crumpled and thrown away.
Some people treat others
as sticky notes.
After being used,
they are crumpled and thrown away.
A lot like love.
After being played,
you’ll get crumpled and thrown away.
After being used,
you’ll get crumpled and thrown away.
After being violated,
you’ll get crumpled and thrown away.
After being tricked,
you’ll get crumpled and thrown away.
After being hurt,
you’ll get crumpled and thrown away.
The simple fact is,
Someday, somewhere in this life,
You’ll be treated as sticky notes,
After serving you’re purpose,
you’ll get crumpled and thrown away.

Which is it?

It was a fine Friday afternoon, I was asked to attend a dedication service because I was a primary sponsor – ninong in tagalog. I was familiar faces in the service and I was feeling it was like a reunion, old churchmates meeting again, it was quite nice.

Then somebody approached me, asking me if I have my license with me, I said yes. He asked me to do a favor. He asked me to drive a van, he said that he borrowed it and it is a hassle if he will commute to fetch it since he has a car. He needs me to drive the van from the house of a churchmate to his house. Being a good guy, I said yes.

So we drove off, we entered the house, and to my surprise, my friend was there. I was thinking that she would not be at home because of her duty at Manila East Hospital. I was happy seeing her. It’s unexplainable how happy I am. It’s like having your biggest pay or having your very own Audi R8. It was beyond words. I really don’t know how to feel properly.

Well, being in the self-refinement program, I contained my feelings properly. We chatted, watched some TV and laughed a little, I even told her that I recently got dumped. I think that it surprised her. haha. ü

Right now, I really don’t understand the way I feel. I think I still like the girl who dumped me, but I am having these funny feelings for this friend of mine. Clearly, I can’t really tell how I feel for her. Is it just that I miss her because I don’t get to see her much or is it something else?

This is really my first time

I am having a hard time setting up my blogsite. There are too many technicalities, but I am starting to get a hang out of it. It is really something educational and something to do your pastime. I really do hope that Google can spider my blogsite and be available shortly in their search index so I can tell the world how I feel and let me hear what the world has to say about it. I hope I can fully set this up so I can start putting things up in my site.

Many thoughts but so little words

First off, i titled this one as such because I am the sort of person who has lots of ideas but is too shy to express it through words, therefore I tend to become more expressive. I am a shy person who would rather do things than say it, it happens a lot.

At times, people would find me talking, but i only talk to people who are familiar to me. I get to share things with them and ask many things about all kinds of sorts.

Then here comes one of my greatest dilemma, I can’t converse well with people I don’t really know, specially if its a girl. I find it very difficult to speak to them. I really don’t know how to talk with them. I can’t even start a conversation! I’ve been having this problem since then, I don’t know how to overcome this great dilemma.

Anyway, it’s good that someone created blogging, and I’d like to thank him because this is a good way to express myself.

Hello world!

Hello guys! This is my first post in WorldPress.org, hope you’ll have a nice time reading things that pop out of my mind.  c:

To tell you honestly, I used to have a blog site at Friendster, which I feel inadequate. I intend to delete my Friendster blog after having this site up and running, my old posts shall be re-posted for everyone to see and expect more posts made up of the following:

• Love notes and confessions
• Important events
• Coming soon: Evangelion Fanfics
• And more!

You can put comments and suggestions so I can hear what’s on you’re mind. Everybody’s comments are welcome, but please refrain from cursing, a big no no to my blogsite. I trust that we’ll have lots of fun as we start this new thing.